Sometimes, It hurts...
Sometimes, it hurts to remember. Today, I was reminded of two memories that occurred on this day, May 14th, years ago.
Both pictures reminded me of happier times, when my children were toddlers. I remember the day the first picture was taken. I was at a two-day workshop on race and equity. Hassan was on daddy-duty. He bravely took the kids to the local playground by himself. I couldn't believe he'd done this because I had never ventured alone to the park with the kids by myself. I remember feeling a little left out but also so happy to see my sweet babies listening to and enjoying each other's company. Kelyn’s smile was everything! I wondered what they were saying to each other.
In the second picture, taken a year later in 2017, I insisted that I wanted professional pictures for Mother’s Day and Hassan obliged. It was so hard to make our children smile at the same time and cooperate with the photographer. As you can see, the twins looked amused but didn’t smile. I am so glad we took pictures that year. Before Amira passed, I deleted pictures that I'd taken because I didn't like the way I looked in them. After she passed, I regretted doing that. I wished I had gotten over myself and my insecurities and kept those pictures.
Before Kelyn passed, I wanted her to take professional pictures. I discussed it with Hassan; I almost took her to get them without the rest of my family too. Unfortunately, due to the busyness of life, I failed to make it happen. I thought I had more time. The truth is life is short. Tomorrow really isn't promised. (Prov. 27:1)
What have you put off doing? It’s can be so easy to put off things you want to do even when you may feel a sense of urgency in your heart. You may even think there is more time.
Sometimes, it hurts to remember even when the memories also remind you of happier times. It's the dichotomy of life—joy and pain; laughter and sorrow; good times and bad ones. No matter what we feel, life keeps on going so we have to take time to feel even when it hurts.
Interestingly, my children can’t go to the playground due to stay at home orders/playgrounds being closed. Right now, cute pictures can't be taken on park benches. Most of all, their sister is no longer here. We sure do miss her! So much has changed in a short time. We are all adjusting.
As I reflect tonight, I promise to act when I feel urged to so. I will take more pictures and make more memories—beautiful ones that may one day cause me to laugh and cry at the same time. I will remember the past even when it hurts to do so. I will take time to feel...
What will you do more of as you grieve? Or as you live life in general?
5/14/2020 09:36:47 pm
Wow! Thank you for reminding us to seize every moment! Thank you! God bless you😃
5/15/2020 07:45:11 am
Yes, we have to or we may miss out on beautiful moments! God bless you too! I love you, Bomi!
5/15/2020 01:35:31 am
Thanks for sharing! I will stop over-planning, over-thinking and waiting for everything to be perfect before making a move!❤️
5/15/2020 07:46:27 am
That’s good, Ritta! Nothing is ever perfect but we can’t let that stop us. Love you!
5/15/2020 05:26:03 am
Thank you for always being so vulnerable. I learn so much from your willingness to speak through your pain.
5/15/2020 07:47:23 am
Thank you, Shae! So glad to hear this! ❤️
5/15/2020 05:44:02 am
I have tried not to look at certain pictures, but your post made me not put it off any longer. I went back and looked at pics of Amira and our home in Youngsville. I saw pictures of all the kids in different parks and places and it made me cry. I think the ones that got me the most were the pictures of Kelyn from 2017 to this year. It really hurt. All I could do was thank God for keeping us through it all. It’s hard to give in to grief and let it roll, but you have to at times in order to process even the good and beautiful memories. Thanks for helping not put it off any longer. Keep writing and sharing and inspiring.
5/15/2020 07:50:59 am
Aww, my love!
5/15/2020 06:24:00 am
So, so true. Thank you for your sharing this. Grieving can be hard but it is good for healing. Memories can be sweet and painful but it doesn’t mean we should forget. Take hold of the present and enjoy it while it’s here. Love you❤️
5/15/2020 03:30:48 pm
You are so right when you wrote, “Memories can be sweet and painful but it doesn’t mean we forget.” We must never forget. Love you too, my friend!
5/15/2020 09:22:55 am
I spoke with my brother-in-law today. He expressed that he had been afraid to mention my husband during our conversations because he was not sure how it would affect me. I told him that I wanted to talk about him even though it might make me sad sometimes. But I want to know that he is remembered. I enjoy hearing people share the various remembrances of his life. It does let me know that he is not forgotten.
5/15/2020 10:57:59 am
5/15/2020 01:12:16 pm
Wow, this is so beautiful and profound.
5/15/2020 03:35:15 pm
5/17/2020 10:27:49 am
Thank you so much for being strong enough to say this and for making me see things in a better light!
5/17/2020 01:14:41 pm
Thank you, Shanitta! I’m so glad to here this! ❤️
Leave a Reply.
New Jersey Native. Proud Haitian-American. UNC-Chapel Hill (First-Generation College) Graduate. Double Tar Heel who obtained a Doctorate from NC State. Educator. Devoted Daughter and Sister. Loving Wife and Mother. Lover of People. Photographer. Poet. Home Chef. Singer. Worshiper. Preacher and Motivational Speaker. Virtuous Woman. I am who I am by the Grace of God.