Picking up the Pieces

Oftentimes, pictures trigger my grief. As I experience what I’ve come to coin as “happy-sad” moments, some memories bring smiles/laughter AND sadness. However, most recently, I have experienced profound grief when I have parted with things like furniture. Now, don’t judge me just yet. Let me explain. I had a few pieces of furniture that dated back to 19 years ago, when Hassan and I were newlyweds. Some were purchased when Amira was born over 16 years ago. And now that I have had a total of four children, two miscarriages, and two losses, things like furniture were constants in my life even as a mere backdrop to life.

Most recently, we have had to part with some due to age, de-cluttering, and let’s be honest—because of the way my current children have interacted with the pieces. (If you are a parent, you know what I’m talking about.) The strangest thing is that for some reason, I recently began to connect the pieces of furniture to memories of Amira and even of Kelyn. What would normally be a routine process of changing out furniture became something greater. This process made me sad. I was no longer parting with inanimate objects but with pieces of my heart. Somehow, the furniture became a metaphor to both of the girls' ephemeral existences. Can you relate to this? ​ 

In reflection, I am reminded that I carry my girls' memories with me everyday. This is somewhat comforting. As much as I hate to say this, the end of something makes way for the new—new season, new furniture, new memories, etc. I am learning how to be grateful for all kinds of things especially the ones that I have overlooked in the past like having a good memory. As I transition to new things and experiences, I will cherish my memories. I endeavor to make new memories and experiences in this new season. 

Feel free to share your thoughts with me below.